Saturday, August 27, 2011

Screaming into Pillows

I can't be the only one feeling this. Even as I type, someone out there is feeling this.
That there is something inherently wrong with us. Yes, INHERENTLY.

And no amount of advice, airports, destinations, work, journal entries, food&drink can pacify my desire to scream into pillows 24/7. No, no love, lust, even laughter, can satisfy our desire for more.

Only you, God. Yes, GOD. Up close and personal, not abstract. Physical and emotional elevation. An extremely bright light at the end of this mystical and elusive tunnel.

I just want to crawl into that nook under God's arm. That must be what David had in mind when he implored God to "hide me in the shadow of your wings." Actually, probably not, but that's what I mean. My spirit always feels at ease there.


It's quite an interesting transformation when you forget the fear attached to falling in love again.

Ah, Love. How I avoided anything of you for a very long time. When you love yourself really hard and really selfishly for long enough, a numbing effect soon takes place.

His gaze instills me with a strange fear (yes, fear) that this man may actually love me as I am and not as a projection of his own inadequacies.

"Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you."